Muslims In Space

News Corporation | Submitted by: FozziePubes

"The reason we formulated guidelines for Muslims in space is because we wanted to ensure our astronaut could fully concentrate on his mission, without having to worry about how he should perform his religious obligations in space."

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Busted for possessing Anarchists' Cookbook

BBC | Submitted by: Andrew The Great

"A British teenager who is accused of possessing material for terrorist purposes has appeared in court." ... Also: Jawbreaker

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Hit Man Scam

San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: Flossy666

"Gimme your money, and I'll cancel the contract someone put out to kill you." ... Probably related: Butt Painting

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Say something!

Star-Telegram | Submitted by: Fescue

Ka-bonk: "A store cashier struck a deaf customer in the head with a crowbar after he mistook the man's silence for rudeness and disrespect, police said."

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$6.1 million for strip search hoax

Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: oilsand stripper

"A Kentucky jury has ordered McDonald's Corp. to pay a 21-year-old former employee $6.1 million US after she was strip searched and sexually abused at one of their restaurants as part of a phone hoax." ... "Her former fiancé, Walter Nix Jr., is serving five years in prison for sexually abusing Ogborn during the 3˝-hour search."

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Incarcerated prosecutor commits suicide

Wire Services | Submitted by: furpo

"A federal prosecutor from Florida accused of flying to Detroit last month to molest a 5-year-old girl committed suicide in his cell Friday in federal prison..."

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Mom covers up for can-huffing daughter

WYFF-4 | Submitted by: gargoyle1

"The mother of a Spartanburg teen accused of crashing her car while huffing is now charged with a felony herself after officers said she removed the aerosol cans from her daughter's wrecked car to try to cover up the huffing."

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Musical Corpses

Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: Mikeisgreen

"Families who have waited for months to bury loved ones at Montreal's famed Notre-Dame-des-Neiges cemetery claim workers are making mistakes, including mixing up bodies."

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Fined $222,000 for sharing music

San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: anonymous

"Jammie Thomas, 30, a single mother from Brainerd, was ordered to pay the six record companies that sued her $9,250 for each of 24 songs they focused on in the case. They had alleged she shared 1,702 songs in all."

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Ed and Elaine Brown go down

Miami Herald | Submitted by: anonymous

"After months of monitoring a couple convicted of tax evasion, all U.S. marshals needed to get inside their fortress-like home was a little deception."

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Anal Alcoholic

Wire Services | Submitted by: Underpantism

"Charges have been dropped against a Texas woman who was accused of giving her husband a sherry enema that killed him, the prosecutor in the case said on Wednesday."

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MySpace Perv Busted

CNN | Submitted by: gargoyle1

"The Internet is for information. It's not a playground."

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Left to Die

WFTV-TV 9 Orlando | Submitted by: Kaiser Wilhelm

"Authorities said a Tampa Bay area woman left her three dogs to die in her backyard when she took a trip to Disney World."

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Son of Satan in Court

Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: anonymous

"A man accused of shooting and killing a pregnant childhood friend has told a jury that at times he believes he has telepathic powers, and switches between thinking he's an angel or the son of Satan."

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Smuggle Bugs

Seattle Post-Intelligencer | Submitted by: rapparoom

"As drug mules, bugs don't carry much."

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Barber blows brains out

Fox News | Submitted by: TheIdiot

"A barber with strong ties to the military community pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head at a City Council meeting after his request for a rezoning measure was rejected."

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Daddy's Balls

macleans.ca | Submitted by: Mikeisgreen

"The annual Purity Ball is a high point on the social calendar in Colorado Springs, the unofficial headquarters of America's evangelical movement and laboratory of sorts for church-made solutions to all manner of social scourges."

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Vigilante Mom

ABC News | Submitted by: furpo

"He told me to take my clothes off, and I said no, so he took them off me."

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Mousey

MSNBC | Submitted by: Sheba Half the Time

"In Arkansas company is offering $100 to a Utah woman who found a severed mouse head in a can of green beans if she pledges not to take legal action."

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Rat Island

Wire Services | Submitted by: Fescue

"They're very good swimmers. They'll eat anything. They're just very good at surviving."

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Fighting and Swinging

Florida Times-Union | Submitted by: Kyotay2001

"Taking a last swig of beer and directing an obscene gesture at swarming deputies after a 115-mph chase is as good a way as any to assure a jail stay."

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30 year-old + 8-year-old = Jail

El Paso Times | Submitted by: redrubberballs

"A 30-year-old Las Cruces woman was in custody Wednesday, charged with having sexual contact with an 8-year-old boy, Las Cruces police reported."

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Arrest Contests

Los Angeles Times | Submitted by: Ursus_Rexx

"It's crazy," said Jane White, the associate director of the National Center for Community Policing. "I'm at a loss for words. I've never heard of anything like this before."

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Dog stabbed 55 times

BBC | Submitted by: Andrew The Great

Also: Sex Monster

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Sticky Fingers

Lancaster Online | Submitted by: PearlRabbit

Asked what type of doughnut police recovered from the woman, McElheny said, "smushed."

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New York takes a shit on Alabama

AP | Submitted by: The Grim Meeper

"Human waste from New York is creating a stink in rural north Alabama."

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The Devil in Miss Jones

WDIV-TV 4 Detroit | Submitted by: gargoyle1

"The Michigan Supreme Court has agreed to review a sex assault case involving allegations against a local pastor, and the devil." ... Also: Pickled Baby

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The High School Reunion Bomber

WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Flossy666

A 39-year-old man in Lakeland was arrested early Thursday after police said he threatened "to make Virginia Tech look like a birthday party" at his high school reunion and hundreds of homemade explosives were found at his home.

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Shake it up baby now

Daily Mail | Submitted by: BadenPubes

"Damage had been inflicted on Maeve's brain by her being propelled forward and back again, by being shaken." ... "She would have lost consciousness and she would have become severely unwell at the time she received these injuries and she would have been blinded by it." ... Also: Many will be shocked to see the flag so brazenly used to label deadly drugs

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Shakespeare (Abridged)

MSNBC | Submitted by: snatch

Thinking about the early parts of the play, Bartz said, "The only thing I can think of that she might have found objectionable is that there is the use of the word penis, twice."

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